Wolfgang Carter

Wishing all my tweeps a very merry super happy hump day!

#unlikelyheadlines Kim Kardashian to admit she only has a 5 word vocabulary - "Are You Rich and Athletic?"

#unlikelyheadline Paris Hilton to announce she will marry herself. After years of looking in the mirror she realized shes the only 1 for her

#unlikelyheadlines NBC to announce new show to follow "The Biggest Loser" featuring the trainers called "OMG, We Are Hungry!"

#unlikelyheadlines The NFL & MLB to announce they will test for performance enhancements instead of pretending they did

#unlikelyheadlines George Bush Jr to announce he really is an alien & that Dick Cheney controlled him via remote.

#unlikelyheadline Major record labels to stop releasing any and all material by bands that sound EXACTLY like Nickelback

#unlikelyheadlines CNN, Fox & MNSBC release formal apology for not reporting the actual news but also say screw you, WE GOTS PAID BITCHEZ!

#unlikelyheadlines VH1 announces new season for "Rock of Love" & promises not to only feature full blown alcholics with low self esteem.

#unlikelyheadlines all recordings of the The Eagles song "Hotel California" to be buried in time capsule & to be never heard again